Avast! Trailer For The Ward.

"I can't be sure, but it does look like my career"

Carpenter is back bitches! It’s been way too long since cult film director John Carpenter, he of Halloween, The Thing and Escape From New York fame, graced us with his cinematic presence. The 62 year-old has done next to nothing since 2001 when his glorious sci-fi failure Ghosts Of Mars, starring Jason ‘wot you fackin’ starin’ at?’ Statham, bombed at the box office. But now he’s back with a new film called The Ward and judging by the trailer it looks…well…it looks like a steaming bag of shit! Maybe it’s the way the trailer has been edited together but it reeks of 80s straight -to-video slasher flick and has disappointed the entire crew here. First Postlethwaite then Rafferty and now this?! F@ck you 2011.

You may of course disagree with our assumptions.

Avast! Trailer For Mission In-Frickin-Sanity.

Go! Go! Go! Here’s the trailer for the fifth installment of The Fast and The Furious franchise creatively entitled Fast Five. Fans will be pleased to know that Vin Diesel and Paul Walker continue  their homoerotic bromance for each other but this time they’re off to the slums of Rio, where no doubt vacuum sealed t-shirts will be soaked through with sweat as they’re pursued by none other than The Rock himself. Actually the prospect of both Diesel and Johnson sharing screen time together could lead to a rip in the space time continuum due to the overload of testosterone and facial grimacing. This shit just got real!

I'll think you'll find my shirt is the tightest.

Avast! Thor Trailer

It’s hammer time! Here’s the latest trailer for Marvel’s newest superhero movie directed by Blighty’s very own Kenneth Branagh. Thor stars Chris Hemsworth, Anthony Hopkins, Rene Russo, Idris Elba, Natalie Portman and a whole host of others. The movie deals with Thor’s origin story and how his father Odin banishes him to earth from his home Asgard, where he then spends most of his time in a semi-naked state, falling in love with Natalie Portman whilst swinging around a big f@ck-off hammer. Sounds like the perfect life.

Avast! The Fighter Trailer.

http://media.ign.com/ev/prod/embed.swf

Boom, boom , boom, boom. Ding, ding, ding ding. Smack, smack, smack, smack. This trailer, for David O’ Russell’s new movie The Fighter certainly does have a certain rhythm to it. Starring Mawky Mawk and Christian Bale it tells the story of the early years of pro boxer ‘Irish’ Mickey Ward with a special cameo appearance, which we hope will get a nod from the Academy, by Bale’s eye mole.



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Avast! Source Code Trailer.

It’s basically Quantum Leap meets Groundhog Day meets Agatha Christie. Jake Gyllenhaal plays some sort of military captain who can travel in time to relive the last eight minutes of  a person’s life. Just so happens the person’s body he wakes up in is on board a train which will eventually blow up. So he has only eight minutes to find out who planted the bomb in a train which also  happens to be populated by the most sinister and suspicious looking characters in movie history.

http://media2.firstshowing.net/firstshowing/flv-embed/flvplayer.swf

Avast! Green Lantern Trailer Leaked!

Here’s a first look at director Martin Campbell’s take on the super hero Green Lantern. It stars Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan, a fighter pilot, who encounters an alien who passes Hal a special ring which grants him superpowers and a cheesy CGI super hero costume, with bulges in all the right places.

Look at the size of that boy's heed! It's like an orange on a toothpick.

Now watch the video below. A trailer edited together by an avid fan of The Green Lantern over a year ago with Nathan Fillion in the lead role with spliced together sequences from a host of films. Is it just us or is the tone of this trailer a hundred times better than that of Martin Campbell’s film? Don’t pretend you couldn’t really care because the day this world stops caring about men in tight fitting spandex is the day the world will stop spinning.

Avast! Season Of The Witch Trailer.

Amid the rising chorus of choir singers a character turns to Nicolas Cage and announces ‘we’re going to need a bigger boat more holy water’.Yes, Hellboy and Ghost Rider go back in time, like way back to when folks rode on horses and shit, to kick some evil witch ass! There’s something strangely appealing about this trailer and if Cage keeps his mugging down to a believable minimum then this film may be worth a watch. They should’ve called it Witch Bitch.

N.B. The Scott’s Porage Oats dude is in this film. What’s not to like about porridge. And it’s spelt Porridge by the way!


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