Rebecca Black’s Music Video Is…

Speechless. That was pretty much the crew’s reaction to this bizarre, god awful music video by ‘artist’ Rebecca Black for her single Friday.

As you will see above it’s almost like some sort of lobotomized serial killer wrote the lyrics. For example: ” Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’). We-we-we so excited. We so excited.”

“Tomorrow it is Saturday. Time, time, time, to pick up that drifter. We -we-we so excited. Gonna have some fun in the woods with that drifter”

Regardless of what you think of Charlie Sheen you can’t deny that this song makes that crazy, wife beating, coke head sound like Aristotle. To be fair it isn’t Rebecca’s fault that this song has become a laughing stock, that finger of blame can be pointed at a guy called Patrice Wilson, (the dude who pops up halfway through the video to rap), and his company called Ark Music Factory.  To find out why chart a course for Black Book Mag.

Three passengers sitting up out of the car and a 10 year-old at the wheel. This is a motoring disaster waiting to happen.

Here is the full song in all of it’s lyrical glory:

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right,…………………………bet the girl on her left is f@cking raging!
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after … wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

Time to break this shit down and get real – the rap part!

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

JLS Condoms…No Seriously.

Four members, for members.

If looking at their overly moisturised faces and shit haircuts weren’t enough to put you off sex for life, plastic boy band JLS are now launching their own range of jimmy hats.

Their perfect veneers and smoldering grimaces adorn all four packets which are colour coded and come are available in extra safe models only. These close combat socks are to go on sale in an effort to encourage safe sex between teenagers and people who are tone deaf.

During the launch of their Just Love Safe products, (See what they did there? That’s why they’re famous), singer Marvin Humes said: “It’s important to put your love in a glove. We used to get underwear thrown at us on stage, now we expect flying condom boxes!”

Hey, as long as they’re not used Marvin, eh?

 

Holy Moly Just Ripped Katy Perry A New One.

She wears vacuum sealed, rib busting dresses which fills up her cleavage quicker than the Titanic and sings songs about getting drunk and kissing members of the same sex and liking it, while never forgetting her strong Christian roots and maintaining a cheesy, candy esque appeal for her tween audience which nets her millions.

Recently though the walking contradiction, who’s music was once described as ‘lez ploitational’, that is Katy Perry fired a rather harsh and poorly worded shot across the bow of the media this week through Twitter, claiming that their collective criticisms about product placement in music videos by current pop stars, ( in particular the Avril Lavigne abomination here & more recently the Britney Spears video  here), was completely out of order and that they were demonic scum for doing so…or words to that effect.

British pop culture website Holy Moly have taken umbrage over Perry’s remarks and have returned fire with a biting, brilliant and all together deadly reply which you can thoroughly enjoy reading over on their website.

Why can’t these wannabe pornstars pop stars sing nice songs about their old dog, or their favourite bike, or birthday cakes, or flowers, or their kind elderly neighbour, or their local sports club, anything than another f@cking song about lesbian sex, one night stands, threesomes, or their never ending addiction to coitus.

Putting The Tramp In Trampoline.

Is your idea of a great music video one which includes a cardigan wearing geriatric with a plunging neckline jumping up and down on a trampoline in the middle of a farmer’s field, accompanied by none other than a violin playing Rab C Nesbitt? It is? Then prepare to be awesomed to the max.

Always the prankster Geldof squeezes one off in the direction of his violin playing friend.

Mental Russian Lady Gaga Cover.

Throughout the many hours we spend plundering the briny Internet deep we’ll land something, every now and again, which has the whole crew scratching our heads and staring at each other in bemusement. The video above is a fine example of such an oddity. A group of middle aged Russian men, possibly an A capella group, singing a cover version of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance in a gents public toilet in various states of undress, with a blow up sex doll smattered in tomato ketchup, while doing copious amounts of cocaine. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. On a side note Russia scares the shit out of us.

Everyone agreed that Timmy Mallet's career was now officially over.