30 Arrests After Old Firm Goes Ballistic.

Police in Glasgow this morning confirmed that they had made 30 arrests following the insanity which took place last night between the city’s two football teams. We spend our days sailing on the high seas so a sport like football, (soccer), is of little interest to us, its more for those crazy land lubbers. But last night’s Scottish Cup tie between Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic developed into a grand festival of shouting and pushing. Apparently there had been a game of football at one point but we had blinked and subsequently missed it.

Having watched many an old firm game from the safety of our moorings over the years this sort of behaviour comes as no surprise. In February when the ‘gruesome twosome’ played each other police in the city made 229 arrests. Most, if not all of the trouble is fuelled by alcohol and bigotry and having a group of well paid grown men behaving like petulant children who have just been told by their parents that they have no more time to play in the ball pit, does not help the situation.

Having said that we would just love to know what Rangers assistant manager, (and manger to be), Ally McCoist said to Celtic manager Neil Lennon at full time to make him go all shouty and pushy.

"You've got some crumbs on your top lip Alistair."

Drunk Andy Murray Fan Gurns On The News.

Following Andy Murray’s defeat in the Australian Open BBC’s Reporting Scotland decided to send a journalist to the player’s home town Dunblane, to gauge local reaction. Most people were in the local pub, having been there for most of the day watching the match and that’s where roving reporter Catriona Renton decided to conduct her live link. Big mistake.

Putting The Internet Boot Into Murray.

In case you missed it earlier today Britain’s number one tennis player Andy Murray failed to win the Australian Open against the excellent Novak Djokovic. Murray lost in straight sets after some displays of blistering tennis from the Serbian. As is typical of being a sportsman or woman from Britain the 23 year-old has now become a target today for some of the most outrageous comments and opinions from faceless, basement dwelling Internet users.

Before we give you some of the best examples we could find, let’s clear something up. We really couldn’t care less about tennis or Murray’s loss, mainly because we don’t watch tennis or have any interest in the sport. That being said the Scot tried his best against an on form Djokovic who proved too strong and too sharp for Murray to contain. That’s pretty much our summation of the match, we’re confident that Andy will win a title, time is on his side and he certainly has the skill to do so and good luck to him. But some people, as you will see below have reasons to despise the man, beyond the fact that so far he has failed to win a major title. The Daily Fail Mail have already labeled Murray as a ‘choker’, which strangely conjures up images of inappropriate sex practices, and many more media outlets are now jumping on the Murray hate wagon.

As Murray lost his match legions of armchair athletes threw their games console controllers and Ginster pies down, (other makes of pies are available), in a fit of disgust, long enough for them to take to their keyboards across the country, filling the Internet up like an overflowing dam full of vitriolic bile for the tennis player. Here’s some fine examples of said nasty chatter. Enjoy.

From the BBC sport website 606.

On his mother Judy Murray – “She has a face that only her son Andy could love, and Murray has a face that only Judy could love.”

On Murray’s relationship with his mother – “Murray is a mummy’s boy. Murray would have a mental breakdown if Judy wasn’t there. Judy takes care of her lost little boy. If she wasn’t there, Murray would probably struggle to find his way home and would probably take the wrong plane back from Australia.”

On his future – “I think Murray will get to at least one more slam final where the biggest mauling in tennis history awaits him.”

On comparing university work to playing in a tennis final – “I work very hard at university and don’t take anything for granted. When it comes to exam time, I don’t waste all the hard work by choking. I don’t know how anyone could live with themselves if they choked so much.”

From Twitter:

Blending Murray with current affairs – “Andy  is an honorary Egyptian…..they also can’t get anything over the Net”

On his hatred of the English: “Brilliant news. Horrible boring man who hates the English. Know your place!” (Murray’s girlfriend is English)

On his face: “Murray looks like a rat when he’s waiting to receive serve – we don’t want rodents winning any tennis tournaments, let alone majors.”

On his general demeanour: “What I detest most is those who blindly support a nasty, abusive, foul mouthed individual, based only on virtue of him being born within the same island as themselves.”

On his good fortune: “Cheer up Murray you ugly prick, things could be worse you could be f@cking ginger!”

From Various Newspaper website:

On the coverage of his match – “How one’s spirits soared upon hearing the news that Murray had been smashed in the Australian Open. It’s quite enough that he has the demeanour of a spoilt kid with his mouth-open-screaming countenance in every picture taken of him, but when my newspaper chooses to fill its pages with how well he will perform in the Open, that’s an insult too far.”

His hair and face are to blame: “The man doesn’t have the look or characteristics of a champion. Just look at his face, if you can bear it, and his hair is always a mess. No wonder he loses.”

His nationality was to blame: ” Scottish Murray is a national disgrace and should be stripped of his British citizenship. To give up so easily in a Grand Slam final is criminal. Can the rest of the UK be dismantled from Scotland?

On his smile: ” He disgusts me, the man is weak mentally and an absolute disgrace. He shames all other sportsmen and women from Britain with his petulant attitude. Plus he’s been criticised for never smiling but cracking one out today confirms that it would be better if he never smiled again. Ugly!”

Sometimes Britain just…isn’t so great.

Gerry Rafferty 1947-2011

What a complete pisser of a start to the new year first one of our all time favourite actors, Pete Postlethwaite, took his final curtain call last week and now one of the greatest and most underrated songwriters of a generation has passed. Gerry Rafferty, responsible for such great songs as Baker Street and Stuck In The Middle With You, died on Jan 4th due to his ongoing battle with the bottle. Paisley born Rafferty was prolific throughout the 70s but vanished off the radar almost completely in the 80s, except to resurface briefly to produce The Proclaimers hit song Letter From America. Newspapers at the time continued to report of his decline after he trashed a hotel room following a drinking binge which resulted in his admission to hospital with liver problems. His health continued to deteriorate due to his problems with alcohol.

Maybe the Mayans were right, maybe 2012 will be as far as we get and this is the start of the big wind down. Not that we’re hoping for the end of the world but it sure feels like it at times, especially when whoever is in charge up there is determined to knock off all the good guys. Dick!

Minus13? Time For A Dip.

We actually know this total f@cking nutcase pleasant young man who took it upon himself to cool down after work by taking a dip in the lukewarm waters of Loch Eck in Argyll during one of the coldest spells of weather the UK has experienced. The fact that the temperature was around a sweltering minus 13 didn’t phase Callum as he eagerly exited his long johns.

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Mark McGhee Is A Comedy Genius.

The McGhee Facepalm.

Troubled Aberdeen Football Club manager Mark McGhee faced the nation’s press earlier today to confirm that he would be staying on in the job and that his decision isn’t about the money, it’s more down to an issue of loyalty to the club that he…blah, blah, blah and other similar fartblossom mince. But he did unintentionally crack one of the funniest jokes this month.

He said: “It would have been an easy option for me to decide I’d had enough of this. I’ve got a contract and that’s worth money to me.
“I could have taken that and been gone and be sitting with my feet up in Brighton and maybe this weekend fly off to Vegas to my brother-in-law’s for a couple of weeks and wonder how Aberdeen were getting on back home.
“But that never entered my mind.”

We think it just did Mark.