Today’s Marvel movie superheroes tend to look a bit drab and dull so what better way to glam them up by photoshopping their outfits with pink Hello Kitty branding.
The first official trailer for the superhero nerd-fest The Avengers was released yesterday and as party bag after party bag of Doritos were dropped in basement floors the orgasmic moans of millions of overweight, single men were heard across the globe.
The Avengers is the movie Marvel Studios has been working towards for some time now, giving each superhero in their franchise their own respective outing before joing them together in one massive spandex orgy. Directed by Joss Whedon, (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Firefly), it stars Robert Downey Jr, (Ironman), Chris Evans, (Captain America), Chris Hemsworth, (Thor), Tom Hiddleston, (Loki), who appears to be the villian, Samuel Jackson, (Nick Fury), Mark Ruffalo, (The Incredible Hulk), Scarlett Johansson, (Black Widow) and Jeremy Renner, (Hawkeye).
The Plot couldn’t be any simpler, earth is threatened by an alien force, Nick Fury pulls together a team of superheros to save the planet, (not quite sure where Johansson and Renner’s characters fit in here, one can do martial arts in a catsuit and the other can fire arrows really well?). We will say this the only two things that can save this movie from turning into an enormous over-bloated cheese puff are Joss Whedon’s direction and Robert Downey Jnr’s charisma.
The Avengers is released in May of next year.
Here’s the official trailer for Captain America: The First Avenger, starring Chris Evans, Tommy Lee Jones and Hugo Weaving.
They should really just have named this film Captain Roids: The First Abuser, about a man who goes from being weak, puny and downtrodden to a musclebound Adonis after accidentally injecting himself with anabolic steroids and shrinking his balls in the process.
We’ll still go and see this film simply because we’re suckers for World War II movies especially one which have a hard-bitten Major addressing a collection of hand picked soldiers in a courtyard, explaining to them just how dangerous the mission is that lies ahead of them. That kind of scene has never been done before…oh, unless you count this or this of course.