Afternoon Dubloons.

Boyfriend watches girlfriend’s murder on webcam in Canada (Daily Mail)

McDonalds National Hiring Day descends into total carnage (I Heart Chaos)

It wasn’t cocaine, it was white chocolate Vanessa Hudgens was licking…claims her agent (WWTDD)

The now officially approved Weird Al Yankovic cover of Lady Gaga’s Born This Wahey!

Vin Diesel claims that XXX3 is a go. (Film Drunk)

Dr Who star Elizabeth Sladen has passed away at 63 (BBC News)

Top ten Star Wars toys that Hasbro hasn’t remade (Topless Robot)

What every self respecting follower of fashion needs; wellies with a heel (She Wears Red Feathers)

 

 

The Grand National Claims Another Two Horses.

via (Daily Mail)

Yesterday was Grand National day at Aintree, one of the biggest horse racing meets in the world. Most bookmakers were run off their feet taking bets from regulars and legions of non-regulars who fancied a flutter on the occasion in the vain hope their horse, (expertly selected either by the colour of the jockey’s uniform or the horse’s name), would cross the line first and net them some cash.

Usually horses will jump 30 fences in the Grand National but for the very first time in the history of the race competitors only jumped 28. This was because two horses had fallen first time around the course and had died instantly. Racing staff were only able to cover the bodies of the horses in canvas sheeting and guide the jockeys around the fences where they had fallen. Thirty three horses have now died since 2000 at the Aintree spring festival alone.

via (Daily Mail)

The BBC News website states:

Ornais and Dooneys Gate were fatally injured after their falls at the fourth and sixth fences, respectively.

This led to two of the 30 fences being bypassed for the first time in the race’s history as runners were sent around the obstacles on the second circuit.

Those who owned, looked after, trained and rode those two horses will be heartbroken.

Their deaths come after a National Hunt season which has seen high-quality chasers die, including Twist Magic and Pride of Dulcote.

Although if it wasn’t for horse racing we would never had been treated to this slice of genius:


Gordon Ramsay’s Face Has Finally Melted.

A face you could literally climb.

Earlier this month TV celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay was photographed leaving a Los Angeles surgery complete with medical cap. Of course the tabloid press were sent into a tizzy and it then emerged that the shouty arsehole 44 year-old may have gone through a hair plug operation costing $30,000. Now it seems there may have been a problem with the surgery as Ramsey’s face has become swollen around the eyes and forehead. Could this be related to the alleged hair transplant? Of course not as Gordon himself explained to the Daily Mail, that it’s nothing more than an infection brought on by petrol from gangsters and a horse. Petrol from gangsters and a horse? Yes petrol from gangsters and a horse.

Apparently Baron Munchausen Ramsey was forcibly tied up by Costa Rican gangsters, during the filming of his recent Channel Four documentary which exposed the cruel illegal trade in shark fins, and was doused in petrol which caused major problems for his scalp. Jason Bourne then went on to explain:

‘I was in Napa for Christmas literally two weeks after the shoot and went horseback riding with the kids and had a horrendous allergic reaction to the horse, combined with the problems I had with my scalp – so it was just a hair nightmare.’

This agent of danger leads a life most of us dull and boring folk can only dream of. We’re betting he owns a car he can drive underwater and goes to bed at night dressed in a white tuxedo.

Rich Git Exploits Mugging For More Cabbage

Looks like someone's cleaned Bernie's clock. Eh? Eh?

In case you didn’t know, or have never read The Daily Mail, Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone was mugged recently and left with a corking shiner. Apparently four men attacked the billionaire outside his office in London and stole his Hublot watch, (Formula One’s official watchmaker). Not one to be outdone by greedy, money grabbing opportunists Bernie turned his traumatic experience into a money making advertisement for the very brand of watch he had stolen. His battered coupon appears on the Hublot advert with the tagline: “See what people will do for a Hublot watch.”  Nice one Ernie, just a shame you hadn’t been raped by a horse, we think you would’ve looked fantastic in a pair of jodhpurs.