Rangers F.C. The Movie.

With news of a TV movie being made about the current Leveson Inquiry, into the practises and ethics of the British press, we think that the ongoing epic saga centred around Glasgow Rangers Football Club should also be considered for  a film adaptation.

Let’s face it, those of us familiar with this story know that since the club’s entry into administration back in February there’s been a series of shocking revelations, accusations of double dealings and deceit. Also, there’s a solid cast of main characters and the story up till now has been filled with outrageous twists and turns.

But what if this extraordinary confusing chronicle, about one of Glasgow’s most famous clubs, received a big screen adaptation? Who would flesh out those involved? We tried to come up with some suggestions and before this kicks off into an all too familiar stramash about Rangers and Celtic remember, this is just for a bit of much needed light relief from a completely neutral standpoint.

So sit back doon on yer arse and put oot that molotov cocktail.

Alec Baldwin as Rangers manager Ally McCoist.

 

Liam Neeson as ex-Rangers manager Walter Smith.

 

Peter McNichol as Rangers chairman Craig Whyte.

 

Rory McCann as Sales Sharks owner Brian Kennedy.

 

Gary Oldman as former Rangers director Paul Murray.

 

Stephen Fry as former Rangers chairman Sir David Murray.

 

Geoffrey Palmer as takeover consortium leader Charles Green

 

(Top), Mark Strong as BBC reporter Mark Daly. (Bottom) Stanley Tucci as Reporting Scotland's Chris Mclaughlin

 

Damien Lewis as Celtic manager Neil Lennon.

 

 

 

 

30 Arrests After Old Firm Goes Ballistic.

Police in Glasgow this morning confirmed that they had made 30 arrests following the insanity which took place last night between the city’s two football teams. We spend our days sailing on the high seas so a sport like football, (soccer), is of little interest to us, its more for those crazy land lubbers. But last night’s Scottish Cup tie between Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic developed into a grand festival of shouting and pushing. Apparently there had been a game of football at one point but we had blinked and subsequently missed it.

Having watched many an old firm game from the safety of our moorings over the years this sort of behaviour comes as no surprise. In February when the ‘gruesome twosome’ played each other police in the city made 229 arrests. Most, if not all of the trouble is fuelled by alcohol and bigotry and having a group of well paid grown men behaving like petulant children who have just been told by their parents that they have no more time to play in the ball pit, does not help the situation.

Having said that we would just love to know what Rangers assistant manager, (and manger to be), Ally McCoist said to Celtic manager Neil Lennon at full time to make him go all shouty and pushy.

"You've got some crumbs on your top lip Alistair."

The Internet Loves El Hadji Diouf.

The original tackle

As you can see above the good and creative people of the Internet have been having some fun with Glasgow Rangers new signing El Hadji Diouf. The player recently found himself the target of some hefty physical challenges during an SPL game against Hearts. He himself over the years has carved out a bit of a reputation for himself as  a total arsehole bit of a rascal.

The first GIF is the original tackle, what follows beneath is nothing short of genius. Chart a course for Something Awful for a whole load more.