Avast! Trailer For Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

This film was supposed to be Jeremy Renner’s first big movie of 2012 but for some reason it got pushed back by Paramount, it’s assumed this was because The Avengers and The Bourne Legacy would increase Renner’s profile making way for Hansel & Gretel. Only snag with this theory is that the movie has been pushed way back to January 2013, which doesn’t bode well.

All that aside the trailer looks and feels slick enough and reminds me a little of Roman Polanski’s Fearless Vampire Hunters, but with added Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen and that’s never a bad thing.


Avast! Official Trailer For Avengers Assemble.

Yes, they’ve changed the name for the benefit of UK audiences. Apparently keeping the original title The Avengers would cause much confusion throughout Great Britain, with many people so puzzled that this film wasn’t about John Steed or a lycra clad Emma Peel, that they’d be forced to put down their china tea cups.

This official trailer gives you a look at Joss Whedon’s vision of a modern day take on the super hero alliance of The Avengers, starring Robert Downey Jnr as Iron Man, Chris Evans as Captain America, Mark Ruffalo as The Incredible Hulk, Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye. The plot rattles along like so:

Pew, pew, pew, zooooom, baaabaaabooooomm, thwunk, bang, bang, bang clank, click, puh-puh-puh, gazooks, tch, tch, tch.

Avast! Trailer For The Bourne Legacy.

When we heard there was to be another Bourne movie we excitedly shrieked like little schoolgirls but then we discovered Matt Damon wouldn’t be reprising his role and Paul Greengrass wasn’t going to direct either. So where did that leave us? Well Jeremy Renner has now been shoe’d in for the lead role and Edward Norton, Albert Finney, Rachel Weisz and Joan Allen have all joined the cast for The Bourne Legacy directed by Tony Gilroy.

The twist with this particular franchise continuation is that it focuses on an entirely new hero (Jeremy Renner) whose life-or-death stakes have been triggered by the events of the first three films. In short a thinly veiled excuse to lead this cash cow back out to pasture. The trailer does look intriguing even though the old nail in a compressed gas canister looks a bit A Teamish.

Avast! Trailer For The Avengers.

The first official trailer for the superhero nerd-fest The Avengers was released yesterday and as party bag after party bag of Doritos were dropped in basement floors the orgasmic moans of millions of overweight, single men were heard across the globe.

The Avengers is the movie Marvel Studios has been working towards for some time now, giving each superhero in their franchise their own respective outing before joing them together in one massive spandex orgy. Directed by Joss Whedon, (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Firefly), it stars Robert Downey Jr, (Ironman), Chris Evans, (Captain America), Chris Hemsworth, (Thor), Tom Hiddleston, (Loki), who appears to be the villian, Samuel Jackson, (Nick Fury), Mark Ruffalo, (The Incredible Hulk), Scarlett Johansson, (Black Widow) and Jeremy Renner, (Hawkeye).

The Plot couldn’t be any simpler, earth is threatened by an alien force, Nick Fury pulls together a team of superheros to save the planet, (not quite sure where Johansson and Renner’s characters fit in here, one can do martial arts in a catsuit and the other can fire arrows really well?). We will say this the only two things that can save this movie from turning into an enormous over-bloated cheese puff are Joss Whedon’s direction and Robert Downey Jnr’s charisma.

The Avengers is released in May of next year.

I have had it with these motherfucking actors in motherfucking spandex!

Jeremy Renner Takes Over Bourne Franchise.

This is a weird one indeed. Following The Bourne Ultimatum, (the third film in the highly successful spy franchise), star Matt Damon confirmed that he would not be returning to play the titular character Jason Bourne and any hope for fans that more films would be made died with that announcement. Or did they?

Earlier this week Universal Pictures revealed that actor Jeremy Reener, (The Hurt Locker, The Town), would be taking the lead role in the reboot/continuation of the Bourne franchise, but not as Jason Bourne. Renner will play an all-new character with, we presume, similar links to the CIA and Blackbriar. Thoughts?