Avast! Teaser Trailer For A Monster Calls.

Here’s the teaser trailer for the forthcoming movie A Monster Calls starring Liam Neeson, Sigourney Weaver and Felicity Jones and is based on the best selling children’s fantasy book of the same name written by Patrick Ness.

The plot of A Monster Calls rattles along like so: A young boy (Lewis MacDougall) escapes into a fantasy world of monsters and fairy tales as a way to cope with his mother’s (Felicity Jones) illness and bullies at school.

Fans of the original book will be encouraged to learn that the movie was directed by Spanish film maker Juan Antonio Bayona whose previous credits include The Orphanage and The Impossible.

A Monster Calls is set for release on October 14th.

Avast! Trailer For The Grey.

Liam Neeson has punched, kicked and headbutted pretty much anything that moved throughout his Hollywood career but his new movie The Grey presents him with a new opponent…wolves.

Directed by Joe Carnahan, (The A Team, Narc), this movie tells the story of a group of pipeline workers who survive a plane crash in the Alaskan wilderness only to be pursued by a pack of vicious, blood thirsty wolves. So basically they’ve taken the story of the 1997 David Mamet film The Edge and replaced the bear with wolves.

Also Hollywood, go fuck yourself! This film cements all the outrageous and incorrect stereotypes about wolves at a time when that fanny politician Sarah Palin has been calling for a bill to legalise the aerial hunting of wolves throughout Alaska. We realise that Liam Neeson has fashioned a pair of knuckle dusters out of broken miniature bottles which looks cool in the trailer, but we’re siding with the wolves.

Mon you big, hairy bitey bastards, intae these pipeline working scumbags!

Cocaine - one helluva drug!

Begad! Trailer For Battleship.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

A story of an international Navy fleet engaged in a very dynamic and intense battle against an alien race known as “The Regents”. The aliens come to planet Earth, on a mission to build a power source in the ocean. Upon their visit, they come in contact with a navy fleet. The film is also purported to show both sides of the story, from the aliens’ perspective, as well as the humans’ so the audience knows exactly where the opponent’s ships are. Based on the best selling children’s strategy guessing game.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Neeson To Star In Taken 2.

The man with the husky, firm yet polite telephone manner who relishes the opportunity to tell you he has a very important set of skills is set to return to the big screen.

Yes, Liam Neeson is to reprise his role as personal security consultant and loving father Bryan Mills. Empire magazine are reporting that the Irish actor has managed to come to an agreement with producer Luc Besson to crack yet more Eastern European skulls.

 

A slight down side is that Olivier Megaton, *(stands up out of chair and salutes that name)* has been handed directorial duties, the man responsible for Transporter 3. Oh shit sticks!

There has been no confirmation of the plot of the sequel but rumour has it that a group of  gangsters break-in to Bryan’s home and steal his beloved pair of exotic birds. The gang fly the pair back to Europe where they are forced to enter the shady world of illegal bird fighting. Incensed that his pets have been taken from him Bryan goes on the war path. It’s to be called Taken 2 Toucans.

We are very sorry.

 

Liam Neeson’s Bad Ass Tour Of Europe Part Deux.

Here’s the trailer for Liam’ Easter Island Head’ Nessons’ latest film Unknown. Apart from giving away what appears to be not just the entire plot but almost the entire film, the trailer once more teaches us two important lessons: 1) Mr Neeson really needs to stay away from Europe, (see Taken) and 2) Although he plays the part of a man who has forgotten everything he somehow still remembers how to inflict pain through a hybrid style of street kung-fu and knows how to expertly use a range of evasive driving techniques.

N.B. No matter how bad your head trauma was you would never forget nailing Don Draper’s wife. Fact!