Four members, for members.

If looking at their overly moisturised faces and shit haircuts weren’t enough to put you off sex for life, plastic boy band JLS are now launching their own range of jimmy hats.

Their perfect veneers and smoldering grimaces adorn all four packets which are colour coded and come are available in extra safe models only. These close combat socks are to go on sale in an effort to encourage safe sex between teenagers and people who are tone deaf.

During the launch of their Just Love Safe products, (See what they did there? That’s why they’re famous), singer Marvin Humes said: “It’s important to put your love in a glove. We used to get underwear thrown at us on stage, now we expect flying condom boxes!”

Hey, as long as they’re not used Marvin, eh?