The Paramount Picture Is One For The Ages.

So Paramount Pictures decided to organise a very special photograph featuring a range of actors, actresses, directors and singers to have worked at the world famous studios to mark their 100th anniversary.

Artist Art Streiber gathered over 116 talented, (or untalented, depending on your opinion), individuals, complete with all their latest plastic surgery, to pose on the bleachers of a small town sports stadium. You can see the entire picture HERE.

In the mean time here’s a couple of things we discovered while examining the photo.

1. Ernest Borgnine is still alive.

2. Justin Bieber ruined the entire picture.

3. Jerry Lewis is still alive.

6. Robert De Niro would rather have been some place else.

7. Michael York has aged entirely naturally.

8. Ali MacGraw is still alive.

9. Simon Pegg would rather have been some place else.

10. Mickey Rooney is immortal.

11. Tom Cruise is only 30 years old.

12. Kirk Douglas is now the Cryptkeeper.

De Niro To Play Bernie Madoff

The Telegraph is reporting that Hollywood actor Robert De Niro has been slated to star in a movie about Wall St swindler and convicted fraudster Bernie Madoff, a man who cheated thousands of investors in his Ponzi scheme out of a collective $50bn.

This is wrong on so many levels, for one there are umpteen documentaries and books about this shithead so if people really want to find out about this vile character then there’s tons of literature already out there, we don’t need a big budget Hollywood movie with A-Listers hamming it up for the camera, on the back of true story which ruined countless lives. What if the movie ends up getting a nod from the Academy and De Niro wins Best Actor Oscar for his role? His speech could be:

“Wow, what an honour. Yeah, thanks. This was a terrible story, a story about the actions of one man which we all felt just had to be told and our sympathies are with the thousands of people who were left financially ruined through the actions of that one man. But f@ck you guys I just won an Oscar!

Apparently HBO have bought the rights to the book “Truth and Consequences: Life Inside the Madoff Family“, a book incidentally penned with the co-operation of Madoff’s son Andrew and other family members, who have yet to confirm or deny that they’ve received royalties for collaborating.

Yes we know Madoff will never see the light of day, (he was sentenced to 150 years), and that his son Mark was so ashamed of his father’s crimes he committed suicide, but you know, you just f@cking know that a ruthless, egotistical, narcissist like Bernie Maddof will relish the fact that his life will be immortalised on the big screen by arguably one of the greatest actors of a generation.

(via The Telegraph)


Avast! Trailer For Killer Elite.

There are three hilarious elements contained within this trailer: 1. The film claims it’s based on a true story. 2. Jason Statham somehow manages to ratchet up his husky Stathamness to heady new heights. 3. It has an orchestral version of Rock You Like A Hurricane by The Scorpions…no, seriously it does.

All that said Killer Elite does look like it may be worth a watch especially with Clive Owen included in the cast, complete with a broad range of character dialogue: ‘this guy is good‘, ‘this ends today‘, and the ever popular, ‘the gloves are off!’

As it purports in the trailer Killer Elite is based on a true story called The Feather Men which was written by Sir Ranulph Fiennes. The film’s synopsis reads:

When his mentor (De Niro) is taken captive, a retired member of Britain’s Elite Special Service (Statham) is forced into action. His mission: kill the three assassins just dispatched by their cunning leader (Owen).

Whereas the book’s synopsis reads:

This is the extraordinary story of a group of Englishmen who provide protection and rough justice for former members and their families of the SAS (Special Air Service). The group, known as the Feather Men because of their light touch, learned of a pattern of assassination of former SAS soldiers and attempted to avert further murders. The story is told from the point of view of both the Feather Men and the Clinic, an independent organization of contract killers. The narrative relates the chilling details of each execution, as well as the secret meetings, bloody guerrilla battles, and gradual discovery of the identity and purpose of the Clinic.

Exactly the same. Excellent work Hollywood.