Another day another Hollywood trailer with the White House blowing up.
Here’s a first look at Roland Emmerich’s latest movie White House Down, starring Channing ‘The Tates’ Tatum in an obligatory white action movie wife beater vest and Jamie Foxx. The plot rattles along like so:
‘Pew, pew, pew, Kablooey, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, ‘Let’s do this’, pew, pew, pew, brrraaappp, brraaapppp!’
Whit! A remake ya say? Ah, yer aff yer heed man!
Yes, Hollywood boffins are planning to breath life up the kilt of the Highlander movie franchise by remaking the 1986 original cult classic which starred Sean Connery, (a Scotsman playing a Spaniard) and Christopher Lambert, (A Frenchman playing a Scotsman). We heartily admit the original was far from a slice of cinematic perfection and there was plenty of grated cheddar throughout the movie, but that’s what made the film so great it had it’s own charm which people warmed to. Don’t agree? Just look at how the film introduces Sean Connery’s character, for Christ’s sake! The only way you could better this scene would be if you had Connery riding in on a unicorn which was shitting out a rainbow.
But the main reason the crew here are vehemently against a remake is down to the fact that Summit Entertainment film studios, who snatched up the rights to the franchise back in 2008, have hired Melissa Rosenberg to write the script, she of Twilight fame. Yes, the writer of the Twilight movies is going to attempt to recapture the kind of magic which made Highlander so popular the first time around.*drops party bag of Doritos in shock*
The horrendous possibilities are endless but may include the following: angsty teenagers in kilts, angsty teenagers in kilts who are immortal, angsty teenagers in kilts who are immortal and are in a constant state of misery because they are immortal and angsty teenagers in kilts who are immortal and are in a constant state of misery because they are immortal who insist on walking around stripped to the waist. Between this and the prequel to The Thing and a possible remake of The Wild Bunch this year is starting to look like something out of a f@cking Roland Emmerich film.
Hey Rosenberg! There can be only one!