Moronic Scottish Politician Claims Russia Is Invading Scotland.

It’s healthy and downright sensible to disbelieve pretty much every word a politician vomits up, especially if you live in Britain, or more specifically Scotland.

Yesterday in Westminster there was a debate about the renewal of Trident on the River Clyde, a process which is going to cost the tax payer a princely sum of £100b. As those for and against argued and debated Labour MP Brian Donohoe made the startling claim that Russian submarines were currently sailing up the Clyde.

That’s right, according to Donohoe those sneaky Russians under the orders of Putin himself were invading Scotland and he was the only man in the country who knew about it. Of course a quick cursory glance out of my window, which looks over the Clyde, confirmed that he was in fact talking a power of absolute shite…it was the North Koreans!


Work Your Ass Off At The MOBOs For Nothing.


The only opportunity volunteering ever provided was the prospect of yet more volunteering.


This year’s MOBO awards, which are being held in Glasgow, are running a special prize for Young Scots. If they have over 100 points on their Young Scot card they can enter this amazing prize draw to win the chance to work like a dog for absolutely no pay whatsoever at the event.

That’s right you may spend the night sweating like Rolf Harris in the dock with not a single penny to show for your effort but just think of all the wonderful talentless celebs, charged up on Gak, who will verbally abuse and berate you throughout the course of the evening. With not a single promise of a full or part time job at the end of proceedings.

Don’t miss out on this special prize draw for total exploitation if you have more than 100 points on your Young Scot card it’s time for a reward. Unpaid work.

England Planned To Give Up Scotland To The Nazis.

With all the arguments for and against an independent Scotland swirling about the Internet, from now until the referendum, The Scottish Daily Telegraph felt the time was right to print this fascinating story about how England were willing to surrender Scotland to the Nazis if they invaded from the north. Whether you feel it contributes or detracts from the independence debate is entirely up to you.

UPDATE: The author of the book ‘If Hitler Comes’, whose work is referred to in this press cutting, has asked us to post a message from him stating that the Daily Express article completely misrepresents the research in his book. There is no truth in the statement that there was ‘A secret plan to let Nazis take Scotland’ nor in the statement that ‘England planned to give up Scotland to the Nazis’. He has written an article documenting the birth and development of the ‘factoid’ HERE

We would also like to point out that this post was merely highlighting the Daily Express article and we refrained from making any personal opinion on the content of the piece. Our headline was a general paraphrase of the source. We would also like to point out that if anyone has an issue with the content of the featured article then he/she should make contact with the journalist Rod Mills directly.

Scottish Flags Deemed ‘Offensive’ For Fire Engines.

This is one of those stories you need to re-read just to make sure it’s authentic.

The Daily Record is today reporting that a recent complaint was made to Aberdeen fire chiefs regarding the vinyl based Saltire flags which were stuck onto the front of two of their fire engines.

They were placed on the new vehicles to mark the merger of Scotland’s eight brigades into one, but the mere sight of the St Andrew’s cross on the fire engines enraged one member of public so much that he/she made a formal complaint and they were duly removed. It’s thought that the complaint was politically motivated as it’s been suggested that the person, (with far too much spare time on their hands), saw the flags as being a sign of ‘pro-independence’.

Really? The St Andrew’s cross is now offensive to people? Shall it now too find it’s way into the same bracket of offensive flags such as the Swastika, Confederate or White Power flags?

To read the entire story chart a course for The Daily Record.


Scotland’s A Bit Wet Right Now.

For the past couple of days a truly unholy amount of rain has fallen in Scotland, (easy now, we’ll have no stereotyping here), and things came to a head last night with many regions experiencing heavy downpours and gale force winds. The result was that many low lying areas became flooded, roads were deemed dangerous, trains were cancelled and there have been reports of Glasgow’s subway stations closing due to flooding.

The images below have been borrowed from Facebook, we have no idea who originally took the snaps as everyone seems to be passing them around like Lindsay Lohan. This is what Greenock, in the west coast of Scotland looks right now. Silly land lubbers, when will they realise the difference between a boat and a car?

Siri Doesn’t Understand Scottish Accents.

Technology is a wonderful thing, that is unless you happen to be Scottish, (which we are by the way, you got a problem wae that, eh? eh?), and an iPhone user.

Turns out Apple’s latest product is proving to be a right pain in the hoop for users in Scotland who are failing to reap the benefits of Siri, a personal assistant application exclusively used on the iPhone 4S, simply because it doesn’t understand Scottish accents.

As the video above demonstrates something is lost in translation between the user and the voice activated software, even when the user slows speech down and accentuates clearly. Granted James McDonald, the UI/UX designer from Scotland, who’s featured in the video does have a slightly thick accent but then so do Welsh, Irish and certain Northern English users too. We’ll just have to wait and find out how competent Siri is dealing with those dialects.

Looks like Scottish comedians Iain Connell and Robert Florence were way ahead of their time.


Thom Evans Knocked Up Kelly Brook.


If you were to injure yourself so badly that after surgical procedure medics would later tell you that you were: “…literally a millimetre from paralysis or death”, you would want to live your second chance at life to it’s fullest.

Well that’s exactly what ex-Scotland international, Glasgow Warriors winger and brick shit house Thom Evans has done. After suffering a horrendous neck injury last year during a Six Nations clash with Wales, which forced him to retire from the sport, he has grasped his second chance at life by the boobies and knocked up the rather lovely Kelly Brook.

Good work Thom Evans.