Avast! Trailer For Lawless.

After watching this trailer you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Great Depression in America was a blast. Full of action, danger, excitement, explosions and sexy gun battles. Sadly it wasn’t, as the reality looked more like this.

But hey, who cares about gritty realism when Hollywood is in charge. Let’s have a full blown, good old Southern hoedown with added Gary Oldman.

Lawless is directed by John Hillcoat a man responsible for such brilliant films as The Road and The Proposition, and stars a hefty cast consisting of  Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy the aforementioned Gary Oldman, Guy Pierce,  Mia Wasikowska and is based on Matt Bondurant’s novel The Wettest County In The World, which tells the story of  three brothers who find their bootlegging business under threat in Prohibition-era Franklin County, Virginia.

The book was adapted for the screen by none other than all-round mental bastard Nick Cave, a man responsible for the insanely brilliant script for the proposed Gladiator sequel which criminally never saw the light of day thanks to unimaginative movie execs, which included Maximus leading tanks during WWII and even featured the Pentagon. Here’s a small sample of a speech Maximus delivers in the script:

You are students, are you not? Scholars? Learned young men? Then, answer me this: Does Rome stand deep-fixed and deathless as in the time of the great Caesars? No. I think not. Does she prowl the world, hungry and fearless and all-power? Again…I think not. Do the Gods sit mighty and well-pleased in the Heavens and bestow on her, her just rewards? No and again, no…I think not. Rome weeps and this little fish swims in her tears. A fish…a little fish…hidden around an old man’s neck. The earthquakes that have ripped this mighty empire asunder…charge this little fish. The infernal plagues and disease? The hellish pestilence that ravages our land? Charge this little fish… The diabolical rage of the Gods? I say again…CHARGE THIS FISH. And charge the one that wears it! The man here spits n the eyes of the gods themselves! He is the enemy of us all!

F@cking movie execs!

Avast! Trailer For Transformers: Dark Of The Moon.

What else is there to say about the third installment in the Transformers franchise that hasn’t already been said? Directed by Michael Bay and starring once more Shia LaBeouf it comes with all the usual loud, over the top explosions, cliched dialogue, weak storyline, hammy acting and far fetched set pieces. But strangely even though we know it’s not good for us we want it, we want the entire thing, we want to eat every last piece of it up until our bellies are full with CGI robots and the destruction of planet earth.

Here’s the official synopsis of the film:

The Autobots, led by Optimus Prime, are back in action, taking on the evil Decepticons, who are determined to avenge their defeat in 2009’s Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. In this new movie, the Autobots and Decepticons become involved in a perilous space race between the U.S. and Russia, and once again human Sam Witwicky has to come to the aid of his robot friends. There’s new characters too, including a new villain in the form of Shockwave, a longtime “Transformers” character who rules Cybertron while the Autobots and Decepticons battle it out on Earth.